I am in tears, again. St George's Psychiatric hospital Stafford are still abusing me. Isn't it enough all the other people they've deliberately driven to suicide? Haven't they destroyed my life enough? Apparently not, they are still deliberately hurting me.
Dr Sema asked me to promise not to write anything on my blog about them and I promised. But I never thought they would stick the boot in again, so if they are going to break their promise then I'm not keeping mine. My blog is my voice and I have hardly any defence apart from this little weeping voice.
He has taken my paperwork, and discharged me with no support, and gone on holiday. He PROMISED to give me my paperwork back, and he's gone on holiday and I've rung St George's twice now and been promised someone is going to email him and give me a call about my paperwork but no-one has. I'm just being treated like I don't exist. This is the same doctor who two weeks ago wanted me to go into hospital as an in patient! And not only have I been discharged with no aftercare, nothing, but he's gone off on his holidays without even having the decency to give me back my paperwork!
I am feeling very low now. I know they want me dead, and it's just breaking me inside knowing that. This is bullying of the worst kind. Mike Stubbs said my case was the worst he had ever seen and promised to help me if he won the election in Stone, which, sadly, he didnt, and Bill Cash has been absolutely dreadful so I won't go to see him any more, Lord Ramsbotham couldn't understand why Bill Cash had treated me so badly either. One day all this will come out, I must be strong. I am very very low right now.
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I've been on the phone for over an hour to the Samaritans, I spoke to a very nice lady and she was really helpful. She s helped me to start a plan of action, because this is ridiculous, it's been going on for decades now and it's got to stop. St George's Psychiatric Hospital should change their name, there's so many tragic deaths, suicides, connected to that place, and there's no excuse, what they're doing to me can't be passed off as oversights or negligence, it's wilful deliberate sustained abuse. They are hurting me on purpose, it's deliberate. I have no idea why, because all I want is this bloody endless nightmare to stop, it's bonkers! But someone somewhere up the chain has decided that I can never be released from this horrific nightmare, and they are roping other people in to do their filthy work. I was prepared to trust Dr Sema and it's just the most disgusting betrayal of trust what he has done.
Oh God, help me please! I'm so tired of this, PLEASE!!!
I suggest St George's Psychiatric hospital Stafford changes it's name to the Staffordshire Mind games Trauma Enforcer. Because of those other poor people who have committed suicide because of this so called hospital have been through a fraction of the abuse I have suffered them I can well understand why they couldn't take it any more, RIP. That hospital is killing people.
I phoned up St George's again to ask why I hadn't received a telephone call after being once more promised someone would call me back. I rang the number I had been given on the green care plan sheet,and was told that I was no longer under the care of that department,I've BEEN discharged with no aftercare! The man I spoke to gave me the access teams number, and I spoke to a call handler, she told me I was not under their care either, so basically they have just discharged me with no aftercare. I am posting this as a record of the disgusting way I am being treated. I can hardly believe that after all that has happened they are still treating me in this awful way. I told the woman that I want my paperwork and that I had trusted Dr Sema and he has broken my trust yet again by not giving me back my paperwork when he knew that perfectly well how anxious I was to let it out of my possession.I told her that the way I have been messed around has made me depressed and that I was suicidal once more and that I had had to ring the Samaritans and id been on the phone for nearly 90 minutes and that the Samaritans had offered me more support than the hospital so called support team who have been pretty much useless. Dr Sema has completely skipped over the abuse I suffered as a child, how the hell can they STILL be trying to cover that up?? And why? Why would Dr Sema even want to cover it up? He wasn't involved in abusing me as a child, he wasn't even born, so why the hell is he covering up for my abusers? It's completely insane what they're doing, I can't understand why they're doing this.
I'm so glad I rang the Samaritans. I was so frightened, but the lady I spoke to wasn't only kind,she was helpful. I'm not going to put my plan of action on here because I know St George's and other people who are actively trying to destroy me read this blog and I don't want anyone to sabotage my healing. I told the Samaritans lady that the way I felt was like a person trying to wade through thick mud and not being able to get out. I feel like my life is slipping away, the people who are paid to help me, whose job it is to help me are just stabbing me in the back every time I try to haul myself out of the mud. It's the most awful feeling.
I am a human being, not a piece of trash. I am a living breathing human being, with a heart and soul, not a piece of rubbish to be out in the dustbin. I try to remind myself of that every day.I wrote this piece of music and painted these pictures. I'm a self taught artist and a self taught musician. I am not a pest or a troublemaker or a whore or a scumbag or any of the other evil things people are trying to say I am. I do not deserve any of the disgusting treatment I am currently receiving from the mental health services. It is absolutely disgusting the way they have, and still are, treating me, and it has to stop right now.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry5rR8b4UU0
Update. Dr Sema phoned a few minutes ago, just calming down (with a nice cup of tea, thank God for calming soothing tea) because I was fuming after speaking to him. He tried to make feeble excuses for taking my paperwork for nearly 3 weeks and failing to communicate about when (if ever) he was going to return it. He didn't apologise, my God, the arrogance, I don't think it even crossed him mind that taking my paperwork for all that time would cause me so much trauma, I don't think he even sees me as a human being! He said "I'm not a robot, I didn't have time". He could easily have delegated photocopying my paperwork to someone else, it would have taken twenty minutes at most for that paperwork to be copied in the fancy equipment they have at St George's Psychiatric hospital, that same bundle is about an hour's work for me on my cheap old Epson scanner. I told him, "well I wrote a book in a week"
I probably won't bother making a complaint about him, there's no proper complaints department anyway,it's nigh on impossible trying to complain about poor treatment. I don't know if he was being deliberately cruel, I think it's more that he's an arrogant twit who doesn't even see someone like me, a 61 year old woman with trauma as a human being. He said he will return my paperwork today, let's hope he does.
To anyone reading this who thinks I am nasty to professions, I just want to add this.I may be traumatised I can tell the difference between a good doctor and a bad one, I've had both. I've had some excellent doctors over the years. Good doctors do no harm. My life has been riddled and blighted with abuse, and if it wasn't for the good doctors I have had I probably wouldn't be here. I'm saying this because I know people trawl the internet looking for stones and I am not a nasty, spiteful vindictive person.
I've just had my paperwork returned. That's the end of that as far as I'm concerned. I told the ladies who delivered it I won't be making an official complaint, because I can recognise the difference between arrogant stupidity and deliberate persecution. I need another cup of tea now!
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