Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I have CPTSD, and I know many other child abuse/trafficking victims have this too.  It's been caused by decades of targeted harassment, which is what happens to anyone who is institutionally abused in the UK.

Many people do not understand about CPTSD. They think it is like mild depression,  something you can shake off easily, if you put your mind to it. In fact, it is brain damage, and it affects people in physical ways as well.

I rarely sleep through the night, not because my mind is ticking over everything and stressing over every little detail of everything, but because of the sheer agony my body is in some nights. Being harassed and persecuted for years and years has taken its toll.  I used to comfort eat and had Pica, I was literally eating myself. I used to eat and eat even when I wasn't hungry, and stuff myself with carbohydrate rich foods,bread, biscuits, and make myself sick. I piled on weight, my skin and hair look terrible in some of the photos taken a few years ago, I felt like death, I actually wanted to die, I lost my joy of living. I now have gallstones, and undiagnosed bowel problems which I suspect might be a tumour. I am in such agony sometimes and I've collapsed in the toilet and been sick. I have no access to a GP, because my GP is abusive and sent me to a DWP job coach instead of a specialist.

The pain is so cruel some days, and more often than not  at night, it makes me breathless, it's worse than the pain of giving birth. I have to employ the same techniques for coping with it, painkillers don't help, I have to use breathing techniques to "ride it out".  I've recently spent some money on some medicine and equipment, and I am thinking about buying a tens machine to help with coping with the pain. Going vegan in 2018 has reduced my weight,  and I'm shocked to see old photos of myself looking so ill. I thought I was dying in 2018. 

I'm very lucky to have some wonderful online friends, other child abuse victims, and people who are involved in holistic medicine. I am trying to heal my body and soul. 

I'm writing this because I want people to understand why I don't update this blog every day.  I did stop blogging for a while due to Stafford Police, who are a menace to society. Stafford Police have bullied me again and again over my blog, threatening me, trying to order me to close it down, which I will not be doing. 

I am trying to heal and would appreciate any prayers.