SO DEPRESSED

I won't be posting for a while after this, because I am feeling very depressed.

The reason I feel so depressed is because it seems that paedophiles and murderers can do anything they like, and the so called justice system will always seek to cover up for them, and persecute their victims, and anyone who tries to help them.

Last night I cried myself to sleep, just like I used to when I was in that hell hole where Staffordshire Social Services put me, as a so called "place of safety", after I had tried to run away from the abuse I was suffering, basically, punishing me for being a victim of child abuse. Sadly, the person who was abusing me at that time was also a minor, and he had also been abused, by a whack happy teacher, there were a lot of teachers like Derek Slade when I was young, they didn't go as far as Slade, making the poor kids write "Whackings I Have Had" essays or have midnight orgies ect, but they were just as bad, they have broken the spirit of the men in this country. All the problems of male violence against women, family break ups ect, I am convinced that a lot of this stems from the fact that a lot of men in this country get frustrated because they feel broken, and broken people tend to lash out at the ones who love them the most, because they are there.

I ate a lot of chocolate last night, I don't smoke and don't drink much alcohol, so it's my way of dealing with depression. So this morning I feel jaded and bloated and my hands are all red raw and bleeding and my scalp is flaking to bits, and my foot problem has flared up as well, so I can hardly walk. In short, I feel quite ill. I expect those horrible people who have illegally hacked into my google account - SURFINGFAN and HIKINGFAN - GAZZA and ANDY will be overjoyed to read this, they will probably be dancing round and round and clinking glasses in celebration of giving me a good old kicking.

I have made a complete fool of myself. I had faith in God, but I am beginning to wonder if God really does care now. I can't understand why God allows paedophiles and murderers to get away with so many disgusting crimes, and why their victims seem to never ever be allowed to put the past behind them, and move on. I am still being sent to the place where I was abused so many years ago, how on earth can anyone put it behind them and move on if they are constantly being reminded of it all in that way? But I am beginning to lose my faith.

I won't be posting anything for a while. I think I probably need a break from the internet. Anyway, as my Google account has now been hacked into, I just feel that it's all a waste of time, as those two creeps have been allowed to get away with it. I have complained to Google, but all they did was advise me to change my password, and I can't go to the police, because I am still traumatised by them, after what happened the last time I tried to complain about how I had been abused and raped. It isn't that I hate the police, it's just that the ones at the very top, so many of them seem to be corrupt, it can't be very nice for ordinary police officers, serving under a bent superior officer, I actually feel sorry for most of the police, not the bent ones though. So it looks like, once again, evil has won. and the thought of that makes me feel depressed.

So I am going to have a rest from campaigning against child abuse. I am going to try to get myself well, sort my hand problem and my foot problem out, change my diet and start my watercolour painting and music again. At least no-one can hack into my paintbox!