I have been reading some of my old blog posts and diaries. It's very sad reading them, as I can remember the way I felt while I was writing them. Some of the diary entries and blog posts are pretty much screams of agony.
I know some people don't like me very much, because they think I am loud and outspoken, and a bit of a nutter, a difficult person, but it's not nice for any person to be made to feel so wretched.
I think people cover up abuse because they don't know how to deal with other peoples pain.
I have got fat because of terrible bouts of depression that make me just feel so worthless and hopeless. so what I do is stuff myself with food to smother the pain. I've done that for decades, and thats how I have ended up getting fatter and fatter. Then, being fat makes you feel even more depressed and useless, so its a vicious circle.
I don't think everything the Government is doing is bad. I like the encouragement to change eating habits, the trouble is, just shouting LAZY FATTY! at people who eat because they are depressed because of child abuse is no use, because if a person is that low they can't see through the gloom, their self esteem is so low they pretty much feel they don't deserve to be fit and well. I think thats how I get, and it's a right battle to overcome those feelings. But the Governments 5 a day idea is so easy to remember, and so are the other things like the organised walks. They could even be lifesavers for some people.
Anyway, I have lost about half a stone since the new year, and I am determined to shed all the other weight I piled on through comfort eating, when I wasn't even hungry, just in pain. Because even if I don't feel I have a right to be well and happy, the Lord wants me to be, I know that for sure.