I had an eating binge last night. I got very upset about several cyber bullying incidents which have happened recently, one of which was yet another creepy bully asking me to suck his appendage.
Normally, I can just shrug a lot of that stuff off, but I have just been reading Shy Keenan's autobiography "Broken", and although her childhood was a lot different from mine, some of the things which happened to her also happened to me, so reading about them left me feeling very raw and vulnerable again.
Shy described how Social Services did a character assassination on her file, which, when all the different agencies including the police read, had devestating effects. It is a frightening thought that one malicious and twisted social worker can destroy someone in the way Shy described in her book, but I know the truth of what she wrote, as something similar also happened to me.
I was raped by my brother, I was 11 years old at the time. My brother, incidentally, had been abused by a male primary school teacher. My brothyer took out all his poison on me; he used to thump me as well.
I wrote my book "Tip" before I had had access to my Social Work records as a child. If I had seen what is written on my file, I think "Tip" might have been a very different book. When I read my SS records for the first time, I could hardly believe what I was reading. Stafford Social Services have actually written on my file that I had consencial sex at the age of 11. They made out that I was virtually a whore from childhood. They deliberatly tried to blacken my character. Which was a bit strange, as not only did I pass my 11 plus examination (at the age of 10) I was friends with the headmaster's daughter (the only other person in the school to pass) and my school reports virtually shone with praise for my hard work and my kindness to other children. But no, Staffordshire Social Services version of events overruled everyone elses; I was a "bad un" from the day I was born.
Social Services, in effect, treated me, as they did Shy Keenan, like Mrs Reed treated Jane Eyre. And other people have been making similar complaints about the SS. I don't know wether to feel hard done by or glad that Stafford SS have not tried to buy me off, as they have done so to other people. Glad, because I suspect they know darned well that I have enough integrity to tell them to shove any silence money offered where the sun never shines.
I can't "move on". I am not allowed to. Stafford freemasons even blocked me from getting a divorce from a man I have not seen for about 15 years, so I can't even be with the man I fell in love with and still dearly love 12 years ago. It was not enough for those masonic bastards to use CIA psychological torture on me over a 7 year period - they have also made it impossible for me to be with the man I love.
So, last night, I had my binge. I feel horrible today, but I'll survive. The thing is, I just cannot see when this fiasco is going to stop. Nothing much has changed. I watched the Panorama Propagandocumentry last night - what a complete load of cobblers that was. They tried to show all the SS officers as if they were all born with a whacking great halo on their heads, and the three kids they picked were "difficult". It was the usual biased BBC propaganda that we abuse survivors have come to expect now.
Will I still be here writing these grievances in another 20 years time? If I have to, I will. The abuse of children by the so called child protectors has got to stop - at the very least, people like me can make darned sure that they do not get away with it in silence!