Sunday, 2 October 2011

JOHN HEMMING MP

John Hemming claims to help people who are suffering judicial abuse in the Secret Family Courts. A lot of women (myself included) asked Mr Hemming for help or advice when we were suffering this sort of abuse. As far as I am aware, John Hemming refused to help any WOMAN who was accused of having Parental Alienation Syndrome.

I found out about Parental Alienation Syndrome after breaking down in tears at home one night while sitting at my computer. I had prayed for Jesus to help me, I just kept praying "Please help me Jesus", and I was looking on the computer for any help, and found some information about Ralph Underwager and Richard Gardner. I suddenly realised that the syndrome Gardner had invented was what I was being accused of by stealth in the secret family court of having.

I will post what I discovered at the end of this blog posting. I showed it to lots of people, I wrote to every MP is the UK and also all the National newspapers. I should have shown them the Paidika interview, but had not at that time fully understood exactly what I had found, but I knew I had found something so disgusting, that had massive effect on child protection all over the world. And at the time I was going through the secret family courts, being persecuted in the courts.

I am a survivor of the Staffordshire Pindown child abuse, and I was put in care because I had been raped from the age of 11 by a relative, and was trying to run away from the horrible things that were happening to me. I was also being thumped. So Staffordshire Police picked me up as a runaway and did a forced vaginal examination on me in front of four male policemen, as I was refusing to have this done to me, they did it to me in front of those big men, the policewoman was in the room and they were at the open door, I could hear them cracking jokes as I lay on the couch thing while the doctor was putting things into my vagina. The police told me if I refused to have this done they would hold me down hand and foot, thats why they were there. What they did to me that day was worse than being raped, I didnt know what was happening and thought the doctor was putting knives and scissors inside me, because I could hear metal things clanking about. They didnt tell my Dad they had found me, my Mum and Dad were not the ones who were abusing me. They didnt let me have anyone with me, my social worker Cynthia Weaver was not with me. Dad had called Social Services because I kept screaming and barracading myself in a bedroom, and running away and playing truant. How could I tell my dad that my brother was raping me? I thought the police might take my brother away, and I loved my brother even though he was punching me and raping me. I loved my brother because he is my brother. How can you stop loving your brother even though your brother is doing wicked things to you? It is like cutting out your own heart. Its not natural to hate your own family, even if they are hurting you. I didnt know I could have asked the Lord Jesus to help me at that time, I didnt know a person like me could actually talk to the Lord, I thought only Vicars and Nuns could talk to the Lord, I didnt know ordinary people could as well.

Staffordshire Social Services put me into a Pindown home that was being run by paedophiles. Then they put me as a "Place of safety" in a psychiatric hospital, even though the psychitrist wrote that I had no mental illness, I was kept there for a year, on an adult mixed sex ward, and I was 14 years old.

John Hemming knows all about me, and he refused to help me. He knew I was one of the Pindown survivors. He knew I was hurting because of the horrible things that had happened to me as a child, and he knew that I was telling the truth about Richard Gardner and Ralph Underwager.

They all ganged up on me on Mothers for Justice, because I posted the truth about Richard Gardner and Ralph Underwager. John Hemming was posting there, and did nothing to stop his friends attacking me and he was nasty to me when I asked him to help me.

They creep round people offering to "help" but really they smash things up. The lady who set up Mothers for Justice is a really nice lady, but they offered to "help" with the Admin, they had me thrown off there, for posting about Gardner and Underwager, and saying prayers for the victims of the secret family courts. They called me a religious nutcase and a bigot because I said some prayers on the site. What they didnt realise - and I didnt either at the time, is that the lady who set that site up is not only a Christian but that she was prompted by God to set up that site, she told me that herself. So she was not pleased about them thgrowning me off, and got me back on and told them all off. At that time we didnt realise that many of them were actually paedophiles, as we had not at that time seen the Nigel Oldfield Newsnight broadcast.

I cannot understand why John Hemming has not said anything about the Colin Tucker scandal.

John Hemming should hang his head in shame for allowing me to be treated in such a disgraceful way. He should have been backing me for posting about Underwager and Gardner. He should have been stopping those wicked people posting spiteful things about me. Why didnt he intervene? He cannot claimn he didnt know.



FROM LIZNOTES

LITANY FOR FATHERS
written by Ralph Underwager, Ph. D.
for The American Coalition for Fathers and Children (ACFC) June, 1998
interpreted with a few other comments by Ralph Underwager [please read note]



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Leader: Father, you volunteered to be our father knowing what it was to be a father and who we are. Therefore, open your heart to our perplexity and emptiness and show us what fatherhood is so we know where to aim.

Underwager: Paedophiles can make the assertion that the pursuit of intimacy and love is what they choose. With boldness they can say, "I believe this is in fact part of God's will.

Response: HEAR OUR PRAYERS, O LORD!

L. Father, you have experienced the mystery, awe, and wonder of being a father while we stumble, mumble, and search in blindness, fear, and confusion. Lead us to where you have gone before so we may follow with courage, resolution, and perseverance.

Underwager: Take the risk, the consequences of the risk, and make the claim: this is something good. Paedophiles need to become more positive and make the claim that paedophilia is an acceptable expression of God's will for love and unity among human beings. This is the only way...

R. HEAR OUR PRAYERS, O LORD!

L. Father, you give us children to be ours. But when they are hurt, yours is the first tear that is shed. Let us know how you hurt for all our children. Let us know what we need to understand and do to heal and restore wholeness to our children as you bind up our wounds.

Underwager: Given this schizophrenia and these hysterical attitudes about childhood sexuality, it's going to be difficult for paedophiles to appear more positive, to start saying they're not exploiters of children, that they love children, the sexual part included...

R. HEAR OUR PRAYERS, O LORD!

L. Father, you rejoice, delight, and eternity echoes with your laughter when our children are loved, giggle, sing with joy, and yell with exultation. Show us how to rejoice when we see and hear them and learn from their wonder at life.

Underwager: Paedophiles need to become more positive and make the claim that paedophilia is an acceptable expression of God's will for love and unity among human beings.

R. HEAR OUR PRAYERS, O LORD!

L. Father, you want a good life for us and we want a good life for our children. Open us to goodness, love, and nurturance rather than hate, anger, and pride so that we can open golden doors and straight paths for our children.

Underwager: As with all human behavior, I would suggest that paedophiles can say, "I have chosen; I choose; I will act in this fashion. I believe that the outcome will be good..."

R. HEAR OUR PRAYERS, O LORD!

L. When your heart breaks and your chest fills with pain at seeing your children imprisoned in falseness, know that our hearts and chests do too and keep us from paralyzing despair and impotence.

Underwager: The blame for everything gets put on the so-called deviants, while the true American remains at home, pure, probably mortifying the flesh, crucifying the body, being a good citizen.

R. HEAR OUR PRAYERS, O LORD!

L. When enemies shoot out their tongues, buzz their mean words, sneak, and plot to steal our children, shield us with your truth and hold us and our children in your strong arms.

Underwager: I would add radical feminism, which includes a pretty hefty dose of anti-maleness. I think in a very real way, these women may be jealous that males are able to love each other, be comrades, friends, be close, intimate, work cooperatively, function in groups. The point where men may say that maleness can include the intimacy and closeness of sex may make women jealous. This would hold true for male bonding, and paedophile sex too. The woman is jealous of the connection.

R. HEAR OUR PRAYERS, O LORD!

L. When enemies rage against us, pierce our souls with barbs, and bury us under their stones of wrath, give us the strength to believe your promise, freely given, that vengeance is yours and you will repay. Then let us lay aside our resentments and angers and leave room for divine retribution while we sleep calmly.

Underwager: Paedophiles are too defensive. They go around saying, "You people out there are saying that what I choose is bad, that it's no good. You're putting me in prison, you're doing all these terrible things to me. I have to define my love as being in some way or other illicit." What I think is that paedophiles can make the assertion that the pursuit of intimacy and love is what they choose.

R. HEAR OUR PRAYERS, O LORD!

L. When we surrender to rage, disappointment, sunder our minds and spirits in shards, and try to feed our children stones rather than bread, cast us not aside.

Underwager: What I have been struck by as I have come to know more about and understand people who choose paedophilia is that they let themselves be too much defined by other people. That is usually an essentially negative definition. Paedophiles spend a lot of time and energy defending their choice. I don't think that a paedophile needs to do that.

R. HAVE MERCY ON US, O LORD!

L. When we are lost and searching for something, anything, to make it better for us and our children, take us by the hand and lead us to a place we can start again.

Underwager: Sex has always been the penultimate answer to the ultimate question, which is unity and wholeness. In theological terms, sex has been the way that human beings have tried to avoid dealing with the mystery of the Trinity, the mystery of Unity. Sex is penultimate.

R. HAVE MERCY ON US, O LORD!

L. Finally, when we and our children are safely home with you, and we can start the party you have promised us all, be there with us to watch the lambs and lions play, the children and the serpents snuggle, fathers and mothers laugh, clap hands and cry for joy, and be pleased at the life of children created as partners with you.

Underwager: I was urging earlier that you make the loving image clearer to the outside world. What appears to the public is not the picture of a loving man but rather the picture of the dirty old man lurking in alleys, waiting for nice innocent young lads to come by, grabbing their genitalia and hustling them off and sort of casting them aside and waiting for the next one.

R. HAVE MERCY ON US, O LORD!

L. Then join us in a glass of wine, a sup of milk and honey, the sweet fragrance of frankincense and myrrh, tender touch, the sound of beloved voices, the sight of lips, eyes, and mouths long known, and roll around with us in the clover.

Underwager: I do believe it is God's will that we have freedom. I believe that God's will is that we have absolute freedom. No conditions, no contingencies. When the blessed apostle Paul says, "All things are lawful for me," he says it not once but four times. "All things are lawful for me."

R. AMEN.

Underwager: Paedophiles can boldly and courageously affirm what they choose. They can say that what they want is to find the best way to love. I am also a theologian and as a theologian, I believe it is God's will that there be closeness and intimacy, unity of the flesh, between people. A paedophile can say: "This closeness is possible for me within the choices that I've made."

Underwager: The solution that I'm suggesting is that paedophiles become much more positive. They should directly attack the concept, the image, the picture of the paedophile as an evil, wicked, and reprehensible exploiter of children.

Underwager: With boldness, they can say, "I believe this is in fact part of God's will." They have the right to make these statements for themselves as personal choices.

Underwager: Certainly it is responsible.

Wakefield: It would be nice if someone could get some kind of big research grant to do a longitudinal study of, let's say, a hundred twelve year old boys in relationships with loving paedophiles. Whoever was doing the study would have to follow that at five year intervals for twenty years.

Underwager: Let me give you another example. The paedophile literature keeps talking about relationships. Every time I hear the word "relationship" I wince. It's a peculiarly bloodless, essentially Latin word that may have a lot of intellectual or cognitive content, but has little emotion. I think it would be much more honest to use the good old Anglo-Saxon four letter word "love," more honest for paedophiles to say, "I want to love somebody." Not, "I want a relationship." I mean, what the hell's a relationship?

Underwager: We don't tell children things like, "Well, it's all the other person's fault, you were helpless, you were powerless, and you're not responsible." Some people are now saying that this is the best thing to tell children. If you tell them they were powerless, it gives the children more power. We don't do that...





All of the above text was either written or spoken by Ralph Underwager, Ph.D. Not at the same time, of course. The Litany for Fathers was written by Underwager and published by the ACFC "American Coalition of Fathers and Children." The comments in purple were Underwager's words as published in an interview in 1993 in Paidika: The Journal of Paedophilia. RETURN TO TOP

THE INFLUENCE OF RALPH UNDERWAGER? The ACFC, along with every single other "fathers rights" or (ahem) "fathers and children's rights" group, routinely decry the "epidemic" of "false accusations of abuse" that they claim plague the family law system. The following (in blue) is excerpted from http://www.diverseworld.com/ccult/guestvu/tatchell.html

"Recent indications are that the age of consent for gay men will be lowered to sixteen with the blessing of the New Labour government. This would bring it into line with the age of consent for heterosexuals and lesbians... Traditionalists warn of moral decline and the threat of paedophilia....

"Gay rights activist and theoretician Peter Tatchell argues that both conservative and liberal perceptions of sexuality are culturally narrow, and that the most important questions are those which few dare to ask...

"THE LAST TABOO? By Peter Tatchell

"The Sex Offenders Act (1997), passed in the dying days of the Major government, with Labour support, was trumpeted as a crackdown on paedophiles. On top of their sentence, convicted offenders are now compelled to register their addresses with the police for a period of between five years to life.

"Few people realise that under this act a 20 year old man who has consenting gay sex with a 17 year old man is categorised as a dangerous sex criminal, on a par with men who rape children...

"There is something else very odd about the Sex Offenders Act. It makes no distinction between consensual and coercive sexual relations : a man in a loving gay relationship with a teenaged boy is lumped together with men who physically force infant girls to give them oral sex.

"Isn't it also bizarre that the special 'child protection' penalty of police registration applies to adults who have sex with youngsters, but not to those who murder or mutilate them? Paedophiles have to register, child killers don't! ..." [liznote: Does pedophilia also dull the mind? Convicted child killers should be on death row or in prison for life in the first place, not living anywhere on the outside where they might have to register!]

"Dares to Speak is an outstanding collection of essays by psychologists, historians and anthropologists, offering a much needed rational, informed perspective on sexual bonds between younger and older people. Boy-love was, they point out, venerated by all the great civilisations. Greek and Islamic writers idealised pederasty. Samurai regarded it as noble and manly. [liznote: So shall we also castrate boys as many other "great" societies have done? How about foot-binding, or genital mutilation, or sticking plates in our lips?] The boys were not coerced or harmed. They were loved.

"Abusive, exploitative relationships are indefensible. but Dares to Speak documents many examples of societies where consenting inter-generational sex is considered normal, acceptable, beneficial and enjoyable by old and young alike. Professor Gilbert Herdt points to the Samba tribe of Papua New Guinea. From the ages of 7 to 15, all young boys have homosexual relations with older warriors as part of their rite of passage to manhood. Far from being damaged, Herdt says that boys regard sex with men as a pleasure and grow up to be happy, well-adjusted husbands and fathers." [liznote: "Happy, well-adjusted husbands and fathers" who regularly have sex with 7 year old boys?]

"A Dutch study by the psychologist Frits Bernard found no evidence of trauma or regret in adults who, as children, had freely chosen to have sex with older people. He noted that these forms of paedophile relationships were usually characterised by strong mutual affection and often continued well into adulthood, long after the sexual aspect had ended.

"These facts are unpalatable. We find them difficult to accept. Nevertheless, as the Lutheran theologian Dr. Ralph Underwager argues, while it may be impossible ever to condone paedophilia, we must face up to the truth that not all sex involving children is unwanted, abusive and harmful." RETURN TO TOP



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Remember these remarks next time you hear that Ralph Underwager or another of his ilk have testified that "It was a false accusation of abuse" or that "No 'abuse' took place."

Underwager et al. constantly protests that his words have been "taken out of context" or misconstrued, e.g. his interview in PAIDIKA, following which he hastily resigned from the board of FMSF (The False Memory Syndrome Foundation), lest we make a connection (?), ding ding... Well, at the very least, then, his inability to see how his statements will be understood, "misconstrued," used as rationalizations, and "erroneously" encourage pedophiles and other sex abusers, indicates to me that he's flat out incompetent as a psychologist on that ground alone.

22 comments:

Zoompad said...

RALPH CHARLES UNDERWAGER
1929-2003




Address: (see also contact information)
Institute for Psychological Therapies
5263 130th Street East
Northfield, MN 55057-4880
(507) 645-8881
under006@tc.umn.edu
Education:
University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, MN - (Ph.D. 1970)
Concordia Seminary, St. Louis, MO (Class work completed for Th.D., 1965)
Concordia Seminary, St. Louis, MO - (B.A. 1951; M.Div. 1955)
Concordia College, Milwaukee, WI - (1949)
Concordia High School, Milwaukee, WI - (1947)
Employment:
Director, Institute for Psychological Therapies
(1974-2003)
Associate Pastor, Family of Christ Lutheran Church
Chanhassan, MN - (1980-1983)
Assistant Pastor, Christ Church Lutheran
Minneapolis, MN - (1966-1976)
Associate Professor of Psychology, Pacific Lutheran University
Tacoma, WA (Visiting professor for the summer session) - 1973
Associate Professor, St. Olaf College
Northfield, MN (1972-1975)
Research Scientist, Youth Research Center
Minneapolis, MN - (1969-1972)
Staff Psychologist, Nicollet Clinic
Minneapolis, MN - (1965-1972)
Fellow In Mental Health, Wheat Ridge Foundation
(1962-1970)
Pastor, Grace Lutheran Church
Boulder, CO - (1958-1962)
Pastor, Zion Lutheran Church, Hiawatha, IA and
St. Paul Lutheran Church, Mt. Vernon, IA - (1955-1958)
Pastor, Lynwood Lutheran Church
Lynwood, CA - (1952-1954)
Research Projects:
Clergy Youth Project (NIMH funded),
Youth Research Center - (1971-1972)
Project Youth (NIMH funded),
Youth Research Center - (1970-1972)
Study of Generations (Foundation funding),
Youth Research Center - (1969-1972)
Statistical Ecclesiology,
Wheat Ridge Foundation - (1968-1969)
Professional Associations and License:
Licensed Psychologist, State of Minnesota, 1974
Member:
American Psychological Association
Minnesota Psychological Association
Lutheran Academy for Scholarship (Director of Research, 1964-1969)
National Registry of Health Providers in Psychology
American Psychological Society (now the Association for Psychological Science)
American College of Forensic Psychology
American Psychology-Law Association
Society for the Scientific Study of Sex
National Council for Children's Rights
Society for Scientific Clinical Psychology
American Association for the Applied and Preventive Psychology Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal.

Zoompad said...

Fellow:
American Psychological Society, elected January, 1998

Books:
Strommen, M. P., Brekke, M. L., Underwager, R. C., & Johnson, A. L. (1972). A Study of Generations. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Publishing House.
Underwager, R. (1973). I Hurt Inside. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Publishing House.

Underwager, R. (1973). Providence and psychology. In C. S. Meyer and H. T. Meyer (Eds.), The Caring God (pp. 93-112). St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House.

Underwager, R. (1973). What's beyond freedom and dignity? In C. Hatfield (Ed.), The Scientist and the Ethical Decision (pp. 131-146). Downer's Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

Fletcher, K. R., Norem-Hebeisen, A., Johnson, D. W., & Underwager, R. C. (1974). Extend: Youth Reaching Youth. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Publishing House.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1988). Accusations of Child Sexual Abuse. Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1990). The Real World of Child Interrogations. Springfield, Illinois: Charles C. Thomas.

Wakefield, H., Underwager, R., & Legrand, R. (1992). Interrogation of children. In B. Rossen & J. Schuijer (Eds.) Het Seksuele Gevaar voor Kinderen; Mythen en Feiten. Amsterdam: Swets and Zeitlinger B.V., Lisse, the Netherlands.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1992). Prosecution and child sexual abuse. In B. Rossen & J. Schuijer (Eds.) Het Seksuele Gevaar voor Kinderen; Mythen en Feiten. Amsterdam: Swets and Zeitlinger B.V., Lisse, the Netherlands.

Underwager, R. Foreword. In D. Tong, Don't Blame Me Daddy: False Accusations of Child Sexual Abuse. Norfolk, VA: Hampton Roads Publishing Co.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1993). Maximizing positive psychological outcomes in premarital contracts. In E. Winer & L. Becker (Eds.). Premarital and Marital Contracts (pp. 217-228). Family Law Publication. Washington, DC: American Bar Association.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1994). Return of the Furies: An Investigation into Recovered Memory Therapy. Chicago: Open Court Publishing Company.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, H. (1994). The alleged child victim and real victims. In J. J. Krivacska & J. Money (Eds.) Handbook of Forensic Sexology (pp. 223-264). Buffalo, New York: Prometheus Books.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1994). A paradigm shift for expert witnesses. In J. J. Krivacska & J. Money (Eds.) Handbook of Forensic Sexology (pp. 541- 558). Buffalo, New York: Prometheus Books.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1997). Special problems with sexual abuse cases. In J. Ziskin, Coping with Psychiatric and Psychological Testimony, Fifth Edition. (pp. 1350-1370). Venice, CA: Law and Psychology Press.

Zoompad said...

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1997). Special problems with sexual abuse cases. In J. Ziskin, Coping with Psychiatric and Psychological Testimony, Supplement to the Fifth Edition. (pp. 136-147). Venice, CA: Law and Psychology Press.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1988). The application of images in child abuse investigations. In J. Prosser (Ed.), Image-based research: A Sourcebook for Qualitative Researchers (pp. 176-194). London: Falmer Press, Ltd.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (in press). Recovered memories in the courtroom. In S. J. Lynn, K. McConkey, & N. P. Spanos (Eds.), Truth in Memories. New York: Guilford Press.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. Free for a Good Life. Unpublished manuscript.

Articles and Papers:
Johnson, A. & Underwager, R. (1974). Age differences and dimensions of religious behavior, Journal of Social Issues, 30.
Underwager, R. (1983). Use of expert witnesses in family law trials: Family law and the expert witness. Paper presented at the 4th Annual Family Law Institute in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Underwager, R., Wakefield, H., Legrand, R., Bartz, C., & Erickson, J. (1986, August). The Role of the Psychologist in the Assessment of Cases of Alleged Sexual Abuse of Children. Paper presented at the 94th Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association in Washington, DC.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1986). Response to a proposed central registry at the request of the Tennessee Civil Liberties Union.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1987). The role of the psychologist in assessment of cases of alleged sexual abuse of children. The Champion, XI, (1).

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1988, March). Scale 6 Elevations in MMPIs of Persons Accused of Child Sexual Abuse, Study presented at the 23rd Annual Symposium on Recent Developments in the Use of the MMPI, St. Petersburg, Florida.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1989). Evaluating the child witness in sexual abuse cases: Interview or inquisition? American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 7 (3), 43-69.

McIver, W., Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1989). Behavior of Abused and Non-abused Children in Interviews with Anatomically-correct Dolls. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 1(1), 39-48.

Legrand, R., Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1989). Alleged Behavioral Indicators of Sexual Abuse. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 1(2), 1-5.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1989). Psychological Evaluation of an Alleged Sexual Abuse Victim by the Defense. (1989). Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 1(2), 26-27.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1989). Manipulating the Child Sexual Abuse System. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 1(2), 58-67.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1989). Prosecution and Child Sexual Abuse. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 1(3), 28-38.

Underwager, R., Clauss, E., & Wakefield, H. (1990). A Suggested Civil Action When Falsely Accused. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 2(1), 27-51.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1990, March 13). Day care allegations: 35 cases reviewed. Paper presented at the Sixth Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Zoompad said...

Rossen, B., Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1990). De waarde van "anatomisch correcte poppen" als bewijsmiddel. Tijdschrift voor Seksuologie, 14, 20-28.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1990). New directions for the psychologist in child sex abuse cases. In the conference manuscript on Defending a Case of Child Sexual Abuse, Raleigh, NC: The North Carolina Academy of Trial Lawyers.

Underwager, R., Wakefield, H., & Kiefer, L. (1990). Brief Amicus Curiae in the Supreme Court of the United States No. 89-478 in State of Maryland v. Sandra Ann Craig, April, 1990.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1990). Personality Characteristics of Parents Making False Accusations of Sexual Abuse in Custody Disputes. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 2(3), 121-136.

Underwager, R. (1990). Confrontation Clause Revisited: Supreme Court Decisions. Idaho v. Wright, and Craig v. Maryland: A Psychologist's Response. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 2(3), 167-173.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1990, August). Effective use of a mental health expert in child sexual abuse cases. The Champion, pp. 21-25.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1990). How to avoid secondary victimization in child sexual abuse investigations. Presented at the Fifth Annual Conference of the National Council for Children's Rights, Arlington, Virginia, October 20, 1990. Also printed in Stepfamilies. 1991, Summer issue, pp. 6-7.

Wakefield, H., Rogers, M., & Underwager, R. (1990). Female Sexual Abusers: A Theory of Loss. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 2(4), 181-195.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1991). Sex Offender Treatment. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 3(1), 7-13.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1991, June 16). Child sexual abuse and real world research. Paper presented at the Third Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association, Washington, D.C.

Zoompad said...

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1991). Cur Allii, Prae Aliis? (Why some, and not others?) (1991). Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 3(3), 178-193. (Special issue on satanic ritual abuse allegations).

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1991). Female child sexual abusers: A critical review of the literature. American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 9(4), 43-69.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1991). Sexual abuse allegations in divorce and custody disputes. Behavioral Sciences & the Law, 9, 451-468.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1991). Central registry: Protection or oppression? Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 3(4), 221-227.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, R. (1992). Poor psychology produces poor law. Law and Human Behavior, 16, 233-243.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1992). Assessing Credibility of Children's Testimony in Ritual Sexual Abuse Allegations. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 4(1), 32-44.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1992). False confessions and police deception. American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 10(3), 49-66.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1992). The Christian and Satanism. The Journal of Psychology and Theology, 20, 281-287. In the same issue, "A veil untaken away": A reply to Arnold, 292-294.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1992). Recovered memories of alleged sexual abuse: Lawsuits against parents. Behavioral Sciences & the Law, 10, 483-508.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1992). Uncovering Memories of Alleged Sexual Abuse: The Therapists Who Do It. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 4(4), 197-213.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1993). Misuse of psychological tests in forensic settings. American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 11(1), 55-75.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1993). Antisexuality and Child Sexual Abuse, Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 5(2), 72-77.

Zoompad said...

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1993). Psychological evaluations you need for trial: What they can and cannot do. Paper presented at a seminar on child sexual abuse presented by the ATLA and the NACDL, Las Vegas, Nevada, May 21, 1993.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1993). Therapy and the therapists who uncover memories of childhood sexual abuse. Paper presented at the 1993 Annual Meeting of the Minnesota Psychological Association, Minneapolis, Minnesota, May 8.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. 1993). Adverse psychological evaluations in civil suits involving sexual misconduct by professionals. American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 11(4), 35-60.

Underwager, R. (1993). A reasoned response to feminism. Paper presented to the National Council on Men's and Children's Rights, Kansas City, Kansas, October 15.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1993). A Paradigm Shift for Expert Witnesses. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 5(3), 156-167.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1994). Abusive Behaviors Alleged in Two Samples of Likely False Allegations. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 6(2), 72-86.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1995). Psychological Evaluations You Need for Trial: What They Can and Cannot Do, Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 7(1), 30-52.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1996). Responding to improper and abusive impeachment efforts. American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 14(3), 5-24.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1996). A proposed model for treatment of pedophilia. Workshop paper presented at the Western Region of the SSSS, April 18, San Diego, California.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1996). Examples of cognitive distortions and denial in child sexual abusers. Workshop paper presented at the Western Region of the SSSS, April 18, San Diego, California.

Underwager, R. (1996). A response to "Recovered Memories of Abuse: Assessment, Therapy, Forensics" by Kenneth Pope and Laura Brown. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 8(3/4), 187-191.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (1996). Therapeutic influence in DID and recovered memories of sexual abuse. Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, 8(3/4), 160-169.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1996). Commentary on Kenneth Pope's review. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 3(4), 366-371.

Wakefield, R. & Underwager, H. (1997). The taint hearing: Issues for forensic psychologists. Paper presented at the 13th Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology, April 17, Vancouver.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1998). Assessing violent recidivism: Issues for forensic psychologists. Paper presented at the 14th Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology, May 3, San Francisco.

Wakefield, H., & Underwager, R. (1998). Coerced or nonvoluntary confessions. Behavioral Sciences & the Law, 16, 423-440.

Underwager, R., & Wakefield, H. (in press). Black deeds in black robes: Judicial mischief. American Journal of Forensic Psychology.

Psychology Editor, Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, Institute for Psychological Therapies.

Zoompad said...

Seminars, Workshops and Lectures:
Has presented seminars, workshops, retreats, and lectures at pastoral conferences, churches, and professional meetings.
The following is a partial list of presentations, consultations, workshops and seminars on the topics of sexuality, child abuse, and professional issues.

Consultation with the staff and therapy programs for Jude House, a half-way house for sex offenders, 1974 to 1977.

Address on "Law and Lawlessness" at the Volunteers of America Annual Man of the Year award meeting, Minneapolis, Minnesota, 1976 (honoring Judge Lindsay Arthur as man of the year).

Workshop on behavioral pastoral counseling, Minneapolis, 1977.

Two-day program on stress management for pastors at AELC district conference in Las Vegas, Nevada, 1978.

Workshop on stress management for the staff of residences for the mentally retarded, Minneapolis, 1979.

Intensive in-service training program on sexuality for adolescent chemical dependency counselors at an inpatient chemical dependency unit, Deaconess Hospital, 1978.

Professional workshop on sexuality and intimacy given to Lutheran Social Services of Omaha, Nebraska, 1980.

In-service workshop on sexuality and the retarded for the staff of Willmar State Hospital, 1980.

Zoompad said...

Marriage Enrichment Retreats for churches in 1980, 1981 and 1982.

Seminar on stress management for accountants, 1981.

Presentation to the National Pastors' Conference in Zion, Illinois, on the relationship between psychology and theology, 1981.

Consultation and workshop on sexuality and sexual harassment in the workplace for 3M Employment Assistance Counselors, 1983.

Presentation on psychologist as an expert witnesses for the 4th Annual Family Law Institute, Minneapolis, 1983.

Presentations on theology and psychology for Missouri Synod district pastors conferences, 1983 and 1984.

Seminar on sexuality in the workplace for the Minnesota Woman's Network, 1984.

Workshops and lectures on child abuse for a conference on child abuse given by Lutheran Social Services of Thunder Bay, Ontario, February, 1984.

Workshop on children's versus parents' rights for the Minnesota Council on Family Relations, 1985.

Zoompad said...

Workshops on children as witnesses and on recent research on child sexual abuse at the 1st VOCAL conference, Minneapolis, November, 1985

Consultation with the American Lutheran Church family life subcommittee on homosexuality and the church's ministry, 1985.

Presentation made to the Attorney General's task force on child abuse within the family, 1986.

Presentation to Minnesota State Legislature hearings on therapists' sexual involvement with clients, 1986.

Symposium on assessing child sexual abuse at the 94th Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association in Washington, DC. (Other participants were Sue White, David Lloyd, and Larry Spiegel.)

Presentation on theology and psychology for the annual conference of pastors of the American Lutheran church, Zion, Illinois, 1986.

Presentation on the role of the professional in child sexual abuse allegations at the 2nd VOCAL conference, Torrance, California, October, 1986.

Presentations on using the psychologist as an expert witness and on stress management for attorneys at the Minnesota and Florida family law attorneys symposium, Key Biscayne, Florida, January, 1987.

Presentation to Minnesota Confessional Lutheran pastors on ministering to homosexuals in the congregation, Mankato, Minnesota, 1987.

Presentation on defending cases of sexual abuse of children to the Association of Trial Lawyers of Iowa, Des Moines, Iowa, September, 1987.

Keynote speaker and presentation on discovery in child sexual abuse cases at the 3rd VOCAL conference, Perrysburg, Ohio, October, 1987.

Two-day seminar for the Mississippi Public Defenders on defending child sexual abuse cases, November, 1987.

Invited testimony on child sexual abuse at a governmental Judiciary inquiry (Cleveland-Middlesbrough Inquiry) in Great Britain, December 14, 1987.

Presentation to the Wisconsin Defense Attorneys Association on the appropriate way to interview children in sexual abuse cases, April, 1988.

Zoompad said...

Workshops on sexual abuse issues for the Sixteenth Annual Public Defender Training Seminar in Kentucky, June, 1988.

Two-day seminar on child sexual abuse for the North Dakota Trial Lawyers Association, June, 1988.

Appearance on television program in London, United Kingdom, "After Dark," July, 1988.

Presentation to the New York Chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers on the use of the anatomical dolls in the validation process of child sexual abuse, September, 1988.

Presentation to the Vanderburgh County (Indiana) Sheriff's Department on investigation and trial preparation in child sexual abuse cases, November, 1988.

One day presentation at the Tennessee Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers Conference (a two-day workshop for attorneys and mental health professionals) on various aspects of the child sexual abuse case, December, 1988.

Presentation on techniques for interviewing children in sexual abuse cases at the Fifth Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology in San Diego, California, April, 1989.

Seminars for attorneys and mental health professionals on "Investigation and Trial Preparation in Child Sexual Abuse Cases" in Adelaide, Sydney, Brisbane, Hobart, and Melbourne (Australia) in June, 1989.

Consultation with journalists, mental health professionals and government officials regarding sexual abuse accusations in Christchurch, New Zealand, December, 1989.

Panel discussion on "Discovery of `truth' in legal proceedings: Current state of the art" at the Sixth Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology in Las Vegas, Nevada, March, 1990.

Presentation on false accusations of sexual abuse by spouses in disputed custody cases at the Sixth Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology in Las Vegas, Nevada, March, 1990.

Report writing workshop panel member at the Sixth Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology in Las Vegas, Nevada, March, 1990.

Presentation to the North Carolina Academy of Trial Lawyers on psychological testimony in cases of alleged child abuse, March 1990.

Poster session on personality characteristics of falsely accusing parents in custody disputes at the Second Annual Convention of the American Psychological Society in Dallas, Texas, June 9, 1990.

Testimony on improving the child sexual abuse investigation before a Colorado Legislative Committee, July, 1990.

Chaired symposium on false accusations of sexual abuse in divorce and custody disputes at the 98th Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association in Boston, August 14, 1990. (Participants were Hollida Wakefield, Martha Rogers, Deidre Rand, Gordon Blush, Karol Ross, James Krivacska, and Robert Howell.)

Presentations on sexual abuse allegations in day care at the National Association of State Vocal Organizations in Sunnyvale, California, September 22, 1990.

Keynote speaker at the Fifth Annual Conference of the National Council for Children's Rights, Arlington, Virginia, October 20, 1990.

Presentations to the Northwest Regional Adolescent

Zoompad said...

Symposium on the myths of ritual sexual abuse at the 1991 Annual Meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, New Orleans, Louisiana, November 8, 1991. (Other participants were Jeffrey Victor, Debbie Nathan, George Ganaway, and Hollida Wakefield.)

Presentation on exploring traumatic memories in Richardson, Texas, March 20, 1992.

One-day workshop on claims of recovered memory of repressed sexual abuse, Plano, Texas, March 21, 1992.

Presentation on false confessions and police deception at the Eighth Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology, San Francisco, California, April 11, 1992.

Presentation on the misuse of psychological tests in forensic settings at the Eighth Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology, San Francisco, California, April 12, 1992.

Presentation on claims of recovered memory of repressed sexual abuse and the recovered memory questionnaire project at the Midwest area False Memory Syndrome Foundation Meeting, Benton Harbor, Michigan, April 25, 1992.

Seminar on claims of recovered memory of repressed sexual abuse sponsored by NASVO, Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, May 9, 1992.

Symposium on remembering "repressed" abuse: Initial research, theoretical analysis, and evaluation of the claims, at the Fourth Annual Convention of the American Psychological Society, June 20, 1992, San Diego, California. (Other participants were Hollida Wakefield, Robyn Dawes, Martha Rogers, and Elizabeth Loftus.)

Keynote speaker and one-day workshop at the Butte County Child Abuse Council's Sixteenth Annual Conference, Chico, California, October 10, 1992.

Presentation on recovered memories of alleged repressed abuse at the National Conference of VOCAL/NASVO, Sunnyvale, California, October 17, 1992.

Symposium on antisexuality in the child abuse system at the 1992 Annual Meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, San Diego, California, November 15, 1992. (Other participants were Hollida Wakefield, Jeffrey S. Victor, James J. Krivacska, and William Seabloom.)

Presentation on child sexual assault at a conference at the Duke University School of Law, "Frontiers of Legal Thought," Durham, North Carolina, January 23, 1993.

Presentation on the FMSF family survey at the FMS Foundation conference, "Memory and Reality: Emerging Crisis," Valley Forge Pennsylvania Convention Center, April 16, 1993.

Presentation on performing adverse psychological evaluations at the Ninth Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology, Santa Fe, New Mexico, May 1, 1993.

Chaired symposium on iatrogenic therapy in claims of recovered memories of childhood abuse at the Annual Meeting of the Minnesota Psychological Association, Minneapolis, Minnesota, May 8, 1993. (Other participants were Hollida Wakefield, Pamela Freyd, Martha Rogers, and Joseph Erickson.)

Presentation on psychological evaluations needed for trial at a seminar sponsored by the ATLA and NACDL, The Deadliest Accusation: Child Sexual Abuse in the 90s, Las Vegas, Nevada, May 21, 1993.

Workshop on interviewing children in allegations of child sexual abuse presented to the Quebec Psychological Society, Montreal, Quebec, May 26, 1993.

One-day seminar on distinguishing between true and false allegations of child sexual abuse sponsored by the Community Awareness Project, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, June 19, 1993.

Zoompad said...

Seminar on sexual abuse allegations and assessment of sex offenders presented to the 1993 Annual Convention of the International Conference of Consultation and Residential Centers, Boca Raton, Florida, September 11, 1993.

Presentation on the child witness and Daubert vs. Merrell Dow Pharmaceuticals at the Ninth Annual NASVO/VOCAL Conference, St. Louis, Missouri, September 25, 1993.

Presentation on feminism to the National Council on Men's and Children's Rights, Kansas City, Kansas, October 15, 1993.

Presentation on the types of abusive behaviors alleged in two samples of likely false allegations at the Annual Meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, Chicago, November 6, 1993.

Presentation on the types of abusive behaviors alleged in two samples of likely false allegations at the Annual Meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, Chicago, November 6, 1993.

Presentation on psychological testing in sexual abuse allegations in divorce and custody disputes at the Indiana Bar Association meeting on the Parental Alienation Syndrome and child Abuse Allegations in Child Custody Cases, Indianapolis, Indiana, March 4, 1994.

Presentation on psychological evaluations needed for trial at a seminar sponsored by the NACDL, The Deadliest Accusation II: Child Sexual Abuse in the 90s, Washington, DC, April 8-9.

Presentation on fighting junk science with Daubert vs. Merrell Dow at the Tenth Annual Symposium of the American College of Forensic Psychology, Montreal, Canada, May 15, 1994.

Presentation on psychological evaluations in sexual abuse cases at the Nebraska Criminal Defense Attorneys Association, Lincoln, Nebraska, October, 28, 1994.

Roundtable discussion on the roots and evolution of recovered memory therapy at the Memory and Reality conference of the False Memory Syndrome Foundation, Baltimore, Maryland, December 9, 1994.

Presentation on responding to improper and abusive impeachment at the Eleventh Annual Symposium of the American College of Forensic Psychology, San Francisco, California, May 4-7, 1995.

Organized symposium entitled "Training for what? Soothsayer or Scientist" at the American Psychological Society, New York, New York, July 2, 1995. Participants were Robyn M. Dawes, Terence W. Campbell, and Bonnie Stricklund.

Presentation entitled "The Tyranny of the Therapeutic State" at the First International Forum on Child Protectors and Clients, The Netherlands, June 28-30, 1995.

Roundtable discussion on the question, "Do `perpetrators' hide themselves in clients' organizations?" at the First International Forum on Child Protectors and Clients, The Netherlands, June 28-30, 1995.

Provided invited testimony at hearings on H.R. 1855, a bill before the United States House of Representatives, August 4, 1995.

Presentation at the Missouri State VOCAL conference, St. Louis, Missouri, September 30, 1996.

Provided invited testimony to the Florida Senate subcommittee on child abuse investigations on January 19, 1996.

Presentation on therapeutic influence in multiple personality disorder at the fourteenth Annual symposium in forensic Psychiatry, march 21-24, 1996, New Orleans, Louisiana.

Workshop presented at the Western Region of the SSSS on adult/child sexual contact: history, research, and analysis, San Diego, California, April 18, 1996. Other participants were Vern L. Bullough, Bruce Rind, Paul Okami, and Hollida Wakefield.

Presentation at the National VOCAL conference, Niagara Falls, New York, September, 1996.

Zoompad said...

Presentation of workshops and seminars on investigation, intervention, and treatment for child physical and sexual abuse in four cities in Hungary, September 30-October 5, 1996. The cities were Budapest, Kecskemét, Nyiregyhazá, and Debrecen. The sponsoring institutions included universities, medical schools, and the Institute for Child and Youth Care of Budapest. Participants included judges, police officers, teachers, students, physicians, psychologists, social workers, and child protection workers.

Presentation on taint hearings — issues for forensic psychologists at the Thirteenth Annual Symposium in forensic psychology, April 17, 1997, Vancouver, British Columbia.

Workshop on suggestibility issues in child sexual assault interviews at the New Hampshire Public Defender statewide training conference, May 30, 1997.

Presentation on assessing violent recidivism at the Fourteenth Annual Symposium of the American College of Forensic Psychology, San Francisco, California, May 3, 1998.

Presentation on sex offender treatment requiring an admission of guilt at the Fifteenth Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology, April 29, 1999, Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Classes, presentations and student-faculty convocation on an effective ministry to sexual abuse perpetrators, victims, and those falsely accused, on May 8, 9, and 10, 2000 at Concordia Seminary, Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Workshop on appropriate assessment, treatment, and supervision of juvenile sexual offenders for attorneys and investigators, Rochester, Minnesota, May 19, 2000.

Presentation on errors in jurisprudence and judicial conduct at the Annual Symposium in Forensic Psychology, April 28, 2001, Toronto, Canada.

Zoompad said...

Across 48 years Dr. Underwager was involved in a professional capacity with sexual abuse of children in over 500 cases. Since beginning private practice as a psychologist in 1965, one-third to one-fifth of the practice has been children. While this has included the full range of childhood disorders, the practice has also included sexually abused children. Dr. Underwager has testified for the prosecution and/or for plaintiffs in civil action as well as for defense. Dr. Underwager and Hollida Wakefield conducted therapy programs for a community-based treatment program for sex offenders from 1974 to 1977.

Zoompad said...

JOHN HEMMING, WHY DID YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS TRY TO STOP ME POSTING THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS HORRIBLE MAN ON THE MFJ WEBSITE? WHY DID YOU LET YOUR FRIENDS PERSECUTE ME FOR POSTING ABOUT THIS MAN'S LIFEWORK?

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF THE HORRIBLE WAY I WAS BEING PERSECUTED.

WHY DID YOU PERSECUTE ME?

Zoompad said...

Lord Jesus,
That wicked man Ralph Underwager prayed to you to allow paedophiles like himself to be able to prey on children and rape them, and for you to protect him!

Please don't protect those wicked people Lord. Please don't listen to their wicked selfish prayers. Please listen to the cries of the little children they persecute instead.

Love Barbara xx

Zoompad said...

Dear Lord Jesus,

You saw me going through the Secret Family Court persecution and you took pity on me when I cried out to you and you showed me the stuff about Underwager and Gardner. When everything seemed dark and hopeless to me you shone a light for me in the darkness and showed me the way forward. I love you Lord Jesus, you really do care about every fallen sparrow.

Anon said...

You've had a rough time!

My formula: Green - be noble; Red - be self confident; Blue - be content; Yellow - expect things to work out fine.

- Aangirfan

Zoompad said...

I think thats one of the best bits of advice I have ever been given. Thank you very much xx

Zoompad said...

I think people dismiss me as a nutter because I won't be ashamed of my Christian faith.

I won't be ashamed of my faith in God just as I won't seperate sex from love.

I don't think a person should ever have sex with another person unless they love them very very much and that they never want to be seperated from them ever.

I have had "one night stands" but to me they were not one night stands at all. When I was young I got my heart broken too many times. I always thought that the person who looked at me so lovingly loved me so much. I was a very beautiful girl. When they had done what they wanted to do and walked away leaving me crying I was heartbroken. I always wanted a life partner, never a one night stand.

So I know how it feels to be stamped on. I also know Jesus is alive. How on earth do people expect me to treat Jesus as I was treated, and snub him, feel ashamed of loving him, when I know how it would feel to him? He does have feelings, after all, we are made in his image.

I won't cut Jesus out of my life, just to make myself more acceptable, even if the whole world laughs at me.

Zoompad said...

Sexual union between a man and womnan is a blessed thing. It is holy. When you make love it is as if the whole world stops, and everything stops, and you only can think of the beautiful person so close to you. You look at them, and you feel as though you have never known beauty before, you never want to look away. Shakespeare was right when he talked about drinking to each other with eyes, you melt into each other, you are like one spirit. The Bible calls it knowing each other. You walk witn a spring in your step, and your beloved is always in your thoughts. When you have been together for a while, you see that your beloved is not perfect and they also see that you are not. Then, you start to have little disagreements, usually over very silly little things, or bad habits you might both have, that you hid from each other, and you argue. You make each other sad. Then, if you both listen to the still small voice of the Lord, the Lord will show each of you that you also are not perfect, and how to mend each others broken heart, and you learn a little bit from the experience.

Zoompad said...

After a while, the constant pounding that your heart makes every time you see your beloved isn't there all the time, which is a bit of a relief, as it is very tiring to live in such excitement 24/7. Some people might assume they are falling out of love, but thats not true. It's just that the first crazy flush of romance is over. Then, you start to pull together, like two horses yoked to a carriage. If you are both not to arrogant and proud to listen to your Heavenly Father you learn things together. Your love grows, you feel so happy that your beloved loves you, you want to please them. But you might still have disagreements, because you are two different people! Perhaps when you have been married a very long time you grow more entwined. You know what the other person is thinking, without a word passing between you.

Why would anyone want to jeopardise such beautiful true love for a series of heartbreak and guilt?

Try to love each other always. Try to make your relationships work out. Dont treat another human being as a piece of meat. And come to the Lord, He sees everything, He sees inside peoples hearts, He helps mend ailing relationships.

I will never let the pressure to conform to the ways of the world make me ashamed of my Heavenly Father, please help me God!