Wednesday, 8 September 2010

SO DEPRESSED

I won't be posting for a while after this, because I am feeling very depressed.

The reason I feel so depressed is because it seems that paedophiles and murderers can do anything they like, and the so called justice system will always seek to cover up for them, and persecute their victims, and anyone who tries to help them.

Last night I cried myself to sleep, just like I used to when I was in that hell hole where Staffordshire Social Services put me, as a so called "place of safety", after I had tried to run away from the abuse I was suffering, basically, punishing me for being a victim of child abuse. Sadly, the person who was abusing me at that time was also a minor, and he had also been abused, by a whack happy teacher, there were a lot of teachers like Derek Slade when I was young, they didn't go as far as Slade, making the poor kids write "Whackings I Have Had" essays or have midnight orgies ect, but they were just as bad, they have broken the spirit of the men in this country. All the problems of male violence against women, family break ups ect, I am convinced that a lot of this stems from the fact that a lot of men in this country get frustrated because they feel broken, and broken people tend to lash out at the ones who love them the most, because they are there.

I ate a lot of chocolate last night, I don't smoke and don't drink much alcohol, so it's my way of dealing with depression. So this morning I feel jaded and bloated and my hands are all red raw and bleeding and my scalp is flaking to bits, and my foot problem has flared up as well, so I can hardly walk. In short, I feel quite ill. I expect those horrible people who have illegally hacked into my google account - SURFINGFAN and HIKINGFAN - GAZZA and ANDY will be overjoyed to read this, they will probably be dancing round and round and clinking glasses in celebration of giving me a good old kicking.

I have made a complete fool of myself. I had faith in God, but I am beginning to wonder if God really does care now. I can't understand why God allows paedophiles and murderers to get away with so many disgusting crimes, and why their victims seem to never ever be allowed to put the past behind them, and move on. I am still being sent to the place where I was abused so many years ago, how on earth can anyone put it behind them and move on if they are constantly being reminded of it all in that way? But I am beginning to lose my faith.

I won't be posting anything for a while. I think I probably need a break from the internet. Anyway, as my Google account has now been hacked into, I just feel that it's all a waste of time, as those two creeps have been allowed to get away with it. I have complained to Google, but all they did was advise me to change my password, and I can't go to the police, because I am still traumatised by them, after what happened the last time I tried to complain about how I had been abused and raped. It isn't that I hate the police, it's just that the ones at the very top, so many of them seem to be corrupt, it can't be very nice for ordinary police officers, serving under a bent superior officer, I actually feel sorry for most of the police, not the bent ones though. So it looks like, once again, evil has won. and the thought of that makes me feel depressed.

So I am going to have a rest from campaigning against child abuse. I am going to try to get myself well, sort my hand problem and my foot problem out, change my diet and start my watercolour painting and music again. At least no-one can hack into my paintbox!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you should stop bothering that blog.

Zoompad said...

I'm surprised, I did not reckon on you having enough brain cells to do that, GAZZA

Anon said...

Block nasty comments, using comment moderation.

Always ignore the 'haters' and NEVER refer to them.

Get plenty of exercise, get a good diet and stay positive.

Exercise burns up stress.

Watch comedies and listen to happy music.

Talk to strangers in shops and make them feel good.

Keep up the good work.

Cover a variety of topics in your blog.

Happy September.

- Aangirfan

Anonymous said...

Zoomy,
I wear the grief of 944 years, since English legal history began in 1066. I am a Christian too, but instead of feeling persecuted further by the legal system, I have thrown myself into direct contact with people in the legal system who have given me consolation to my grief. I am not saying that there's something wrong with you because you have reacted differently, I am just showing how it is for me, this has worked for me. A lot of the time I have desperately survived on the kindness of Professor Vaughan Lowe Q.C., various qualified lawyers who dumped law but are now working as politicians, a legal journalist up North, a qualified criminal lawyer (partner at a band 1 firm) who has never judged me and has never undermined how VICTIMISED I feel. Even though my case has been complicated as hell and hasn't particularly progressed, even if I am to abandon prosecuting, I can still desperately survive on the kindness of people who are in the legal system who don't want to make assumptions about my case telling me to get over it as if it never mattered. The thing about these people is that THEY DO NOT WANT TO UNDERMINE HOW VICTIMISED AND GRIEF-STICKEN I FEEL, so that is rather nice even if the criminal doesn't get jailed for this one (he will get jailed for another one). Thought you might be interested in this.
Don't be depressed!!!
from a sister in Christ xx